Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
