What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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