Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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