Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
