I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
