I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
