Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
