I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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