i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
