Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
