I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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