He is an equal opportunity slut.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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