he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
