we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
