Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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