weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
