she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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