She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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