Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
