So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
