I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
