maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
