I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
