The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
