I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
