Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
