yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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