i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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