He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
two words: eviction party
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
