Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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