she looked like the bat from fern gully.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
