I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
