in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
