high people should be assigned attendants
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
