I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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