so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
