It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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