babies were throwing up all over the place
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
