Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
