come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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