so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
