So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
