Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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