Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
