So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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