This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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