just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
