I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
