I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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