God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
