Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we're making bets on your personal life
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
