Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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