youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
