he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
