I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
