So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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