We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
